What is love?
I don’t think this word has an official definition but is defined by our individual experiences, what it means to us, what we made it mean and what we felt it meant. I know there are different types of love but right now I want to talk about Eros or romantic love as it’s popularly called, the most fleeting love there is, oh! don’t nail me yet, with the several thoughts that just crossed your mind as to why I called romantic love “fleeting”. Our definition of love creates every narrative we have of it so let’s talk about it so you could understand my own definition.
From the very beginning when you meet someone your heart beat quickens for and a craving for that person is born within you. The sparks are as visible as a primary colour on a black canvas, your love is fierce and very profound, you want to know what they do during the day, when they are not by your side holding your hands, you want to know what they talk about with their friends, when they come visiting and sit on the floor in a sitting room with soft chairs, drinking wine, chatting and laughing a little too loud. You want to know what makes them “tick”, what they like, what they don’t like and you do everything to impress them and communicate your feelings to them.
When everything is still brightly coloured and vibrant. You want to see them everyday, you want to touch them all the time, you become very intentional about your actions in order not to push them away and all you think about is the smile on the face of this human you love and can no longer imagine a future without.
At this point the sparks are still there and it’s obvious to anyone looking that you’re in love.
But, what happens when the sparks are no longer there?
What happens when their chewing becomes too loud, and their laughter “unsophisticated”? What happens when you’d rather spend more time with your friends talking about a nail colour than watch a movie with your supposed partner? What happens when you don’t hear this person’s voice the whole day but you don’t even notice? What happens when the conversations becomes boring and you don’t know what to talk about? What happens when you both seem to argue all the time? Is it still love? Is it still love when the sight of them no longer make your heart beat faster? Is it still love when what people see of you and your partner on the gram becomes totally different from the reality? Is it still love when the sparks die?
You’ll probably say yes because “love is beyond the sparks and the constant kiss on the lips, it’s beyond holding hands and taking cute pictures and wearing matching outfits, it’s about waking up everyday and choosing to love that person, it’s about tolerating that person, it’s about knowing what draws you to this person beyond the spark and all the giddiness that comes in the beginning because the sparks would die someday and you’ll need a reason to stay, it’s about forgiving this person and staying with them even after they hurt you”
But why does the spark die? A silly question to ask to some but a valid question for me. I honestly want to know because what is there beyond the spark? What is there beyond the giddiness? I don’t know, you tell me.
Why does the craving go away? The need to speak to this person, to touch this person, to hear their voice and feel the emotions rush through your veins like blood, the need to see them smile is no longer priority. How does this still transcend to love?
Why is the spark no longer there, how can you want someone so much 8 months ago that the fire for them burns within your soul but now there is no fire and all you feel is wet grass and you don’t want to step on it?
You’re still wondering why I called romantic love fleeting but honestly, I also don’t know the reason. It has always been the first word that comes to my head each time I think about it and I’m sorry if none of this could give an explanation for that but I am honestly curious.
You might know the answer to all the love questions and that’s because you’re one of the lucky ones to have felt this love. I applaud you for staying when the sparks where no longer there but what kept you apart from endurance and past emotions? What kept you when it felt like a routine and became boring? What kept you when the fairy tale ended? What kept you when the sparks died?
