Reflections

When I started my writing journey, I never envisioned it to be like this. Because even with words so vivid they could create pictures in your mind, gaps so wide you could walk through and let yourself into my mind, stories so real you could watch them unfold, I am still a creative that is quite unsure of her art.

I don’t know if my stories are interesting, boring or cringey as someone had described, but I find it quite intriguing that without constantly posting, reminding, bullying or convincing, I have an audience that genuinely love to read anything I put out.

This is a love note of some sort.

I started writing when I was less than 7.I wrote a lot of short stories for my peers, drew a lot of pictures too because I enjoyed stories with pictures, because they gave me a visual representation of what the words were trying to convey, but since most adult books lack beautiful pictures, I infuse them into my words and let your mind be the artist.

I have been publishing on medium for about two years now and I have experimented a lot. From fictional tales, to nonfictional exposés, a journey into the land of memories, exciting sexual fables, and unsolicited blog articles, I have dipped my pen into different kinds of creative writing just to see what works for me, and to a great extent, my audience. At the time, I was writing whatever I wanted. How many people got to read it was inconsequential as I knew I was still discovering my audience.

But as time went by, readers grew, and opinions came rushing in , I found myself trying to please an insatiable audience. I became discontent with my writing and became worried that I didn’t write or sound like some writers I admired. “ Is it too much? Is it too short? Is it captivating enough? Is it boring? Does the first line make you want to read till the last line?” A bunch of questions I recycle in my head every time I drop the pen. So I started tweaking things, cutting things out, holding back, self doubt started creeping in and I became my own biggest critic.

As a result, I began placing individual opinions about my work to an extremely high standard and letting them determine how I felt about my work, if I published a story, and sometimes, what kind of stories I told.

Do not get me wrong, it is important to listen to critics and opinions but it is more important to be able to distinguish between healthy and constructive criticism from noise and this has almost nothing to do with who is giving it.

I went months without writing thanks to imposter syndrome, and when I decided to write something, I was unsure of what to write. I lacked consistency and really wanted to correct that by publishing something, anything, then I published something I didn’t quite like and have refrained from pushing out to the world. This does not mean it is bad work, it is just not my best work.

As a young creative, there is always this nagging feeling to top your best work, and the one after that,… and the one after that.

The OGs will say,

“consistency is the key, just keep putting out your work no matter how bad it might be, one day you’ll look back and see how much you’ve grown”.

But just like every piece of advice, it’s easier said than done. They don’t tell you how hard it is to find your audience. They don’t tell you when to give up or when to keep moving. They don’t tell you when to take a quick detour, do a complete U-turn or just step on the brakes and stop for a minute. You’ll have to figure that out yourself. I have tried to figure that out in the two years I’ve been publishing, I have always wondered why anyone would read anything I put out and in the same breath, wonder why not. There are mountains between self doubt and confidence but it’s a thin line between confidence and cockiness. I seldom cross that mountain so I’m yet to see the line.

In the quest to gain visibility for my art I have found myself seeking validation from views, reads, how many times it is shared or the opinions or lack thereof of those closest to me. Audience validation is very important for every piece of work but not everyone will validate your work and not everyone is your audience. You have to find your audience, you need to discover your tribe, stick to them, and watch them grow. I had to learn that.

Art isn’t science. There is no formula to it. It’s never one size fits all.

But you read my work, every single piece I put out, despite my inconsistency, months of silence and my knack for craziness, for this, I say thank you.

I have a lot in my drafts, a lot in my head, a scrabble of letters on my mind that seeks adventure on paper and I can’t wait to let you into that journey.

You don’t get better by sitting and waiting, you only get better by doing.

It has taken me a while to realize that you can only get better by doing, not by not doing.

I have created a world so vivid with words, you can see through the punctuations and I can’t wait to let you in.

I have recently discovered that I am quite selfish with my love, but I love you.

This is a love letter of some sort, first to myself and then to you.

gracias mi audiencia